I Have Some Explaining To Do

Some time this week I posted a pretty impromptu image saying I was taking time off my blog, without giving any explanation or reason why, for anyone who cares. Hahaha.

Now as most will know I'm in the middle of writing my first book and I began this blog to write on whenever I lost inspiration on my book or I had writers block, I didn't want to stop writing, so if I was going to be not writing on my book I would be writing on my blog, but more so on my book then this blog. It started that way, then 6 months passed and I hadn't touched my book. I was though posting regular blog posts and I actually found myself looking at stats, comments and views and that scared me because I didn't want that.

I love writing on my blog but I didn't want it to become as consistent in posts as it became. My blog is a little part on the internet where I can share my personal stuff, things that inspire me and where I could express my frustrations of writing a book, but that got lost and I want to get it back.

That's the reason behind the post I put up, I'm not quiting blogging, I'm not closing my blog down. I'm just taking it back to the simplicity it was when I started. I hope this makes sense, I'm not leaving the blogging community because it is pretty awesome and I have met some amazing people through it, I would be a fool if I was to leave, but for now I will be putting more focus on writing my book than writing on my blog.

Peace and Love x 

My Dream Writing Space

We all have that place right, where we go to write, a space that's completely disconnected to every thing, a space you go to where words fly. If you don't then I do, I'd like to think I'm more of a creative writer as a lot of what I write besides what goes on my blog are my stories which are all fiction. So the space I need is like a dessert island, it's pretty much just me.

Whether your space is the corner of your bedroom or that little room in your house that you have cushioned up to go and write or it's that imaginary space in your mind. Mine is a bit of both, as for me I need to switch off completely, so I sit up at my desk which I love because it keeps little hands off my paper, because that's another thing I love writing my stories on paper, I can't concentrate when I'm looking at a bright white screen.

Now I'm at my desk and that's step one really then in my mind I go to my other writing space and this space is my favourite place in the world. It's comfy and I can write for hours when I'm there, depending my kids don't wake up then I have to leave. I don't visit as much as I would like but when I'm there it's used well. I will show/describe you this room but first I AM NOT CRAZY! If you are a creative writer (write stories) and you don't have a physical or imaginary place you go to to switch off completely to be able to write, I don't think you're a writer, as you can't write about another world, and a different life if you're switched on to your own.

I have sketched, like rough sketched my writing space and to be honest it hasn't changed in years, it's a room, you enter and are immediately facing two doors that look out to the ocean, where else would I want my writing space be but by the sea, on the side wall there is a couch that is so comfy it's where you could go if you've been sitting up at the desk for hours, at the foot of the couch is a record player where I have all of Elvis Presley records. Opposite this is my shelf, floor to ceiling book shelves filled with every book, my favourites, I have my dictionary and Thesaurus also my Encyclopedias because there is no Internet in my writing space, I have my laptop for only inspirational purposes. Next to the book shelves I have a cork board up where I put my favourite photos, a few inspiring words, and my writing desk is huge, it's not where my laptop is, it's a separate desk that allows me to look up at the ocean when I'm not looking down at my own words.

That's my writing space, that's where I go when I sit down to write because I can't write any other way, never actually been able to, I've always needed to switch off and for so long it was just a blank space but now I have a word inducing room in my mind I get to go to and write.

I know this post makes me sound a little crazy but I don't care because I know a lot of writers do this, I'm not embarrassed by it. 

Do you have a writing space you wish was real, a place you could go and just write and write? What would you have in it? Or what do you have around your writing desk to keep you inspired and writing for longer? Let me know, drop me a comment. X

Being Happy.

When I type 'Happy' into google the first thing I see is the definition which is 'The Feeling of pleasure or contentment' Now when I think about my life I check things off, In my relationship do I get the feeling of pleasure and contentment - YES and then some. Do I have the feeling of pleasure and contentment in my home life and as a mother. YES. Am I happy in myself, do I feel content with myself. NO. That last answer in my opinion needs to change, that's clear because I'm tired, I am god damn tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted and unhappy, I am tired of working out to punish my body for getting big when really I should be celebrating the fact my body can workout and my body is changing. It's easy when it's written like this, so why isn't it easy like a flick of a switch in ones mind to be happy with oneself. 

Now if I break it down, I like my eyes, my lips I've thought were always a little small but in portion to my face and don't get me started on my nose, the honk I inherited from my mother and so did my brothers, my sister was the lucky one, so I'm ok with certain features of my face but why in my mind have I always told myself I'm the ugly one, the ugly sister, the face only a mother could love? Why? It's frustrating because some days like today I feel good about my appearance but I can't tell you what tomorrow will be like. 

I love taking care of my face, I'm in love with face masks especially ones that work, I love putting on a little make-up (mascara and eyeliner) I love keeping my face and body fresh and clean but on bad days when I'm down and I'm hating myself for looking how I look, I forget about myself, I neglect myself so bad to the point where sometimes I can pull my hair tie from my hand and it would stand for a little while. That's me on really really bad days that turn into falling into a spiral of self hate that lasts a week, but that's what I want to stop. Because I know this is my only body, it's the only one I'm going to get and I've already said I like certain things, so why can't I keep that positivity and contentment, why can't I make it last and radiate it to other aspects of myself?

I've set myself a challenge, a Happiness challenge if you will. Where everyday even If I feel like falling into that dark abyss I will practice being happy with myself, even if I have to force myself in front of a mirror and say things that will embarrass the hell out of me. I will do it because I'm raising two beautiful baby girls, who will look up to me as they grow and I want them to see a mother who is happy with herself and confident in her own skin. So yea that's what's happening right now and to think I thought about all this whilst watching Grease last night and remembering a summer a long time ago where I ruined my mums VHS tape by watching it over and over, singing and dancing and just not caring. 

I am still dieting, I am still working out and staying active, I'm still trying to get to my goal weight, I'm still writing and I'm drawing again now. I don't just want to do one thing and leave out all the things I used to do that made me feel good about myself, so I will be doing it all, after all I am a women, the master of multitasking. The maker of her own happiness.

X

The 30 Disney Questions Tag

Now growing up watching Disney movies have me branded as a Disney addict, which is fine but as an adult you get looks when you say how much you love watching Disney movies, well guess what suckers I have kids and Disney movies are essential in my home now a days.

I was so happy and pleased to have been tagged by the lovely Claire from ThatMummaRocks to do this tag because it was quite simply the best thing I could think of doing, answering questions about Disney.......so exciting, how I'm going to answer some of these questions fairly I just don't know, but I'll give it a go.

1. Favourite Character

Mulan. I love her and her story and she kicks ass.

2. Favourite Princess

Ariel. She is a mermaid, she lives in the sea and she has the most gorgeous colour red hair.

3. Favourite Heroine

Esmeralda from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, I was mesmerised by her as a child, she was so exotic and I loved what she wore. I had a jumper with her face on it that I wore all the time. Calm down I was 9.

4. Favourite Prince

Hercules. I love a bit of the zero to hero.

5. Favourite Hero

Flynn Rider, I feel like he is the animated embodiment of Ryan Reynolds but besides that he literally sacrifices himself to save Rapunzel, and he is funny.

6. Favourite Animal

Marie from the Artisocats, she is just super cute and so sassy, I love it.

7. Favourite Sidekick

Mushu from Mulan.

8. Favourite Villain

Hades, the sass the blue flamed hair.

9. Favourite Original Character

Minnie Mouse

10. Favourite Love Song

Part of Your World - The Little Mermaid

11. Favourite Song

I'll Make a Man out of You - Mulan

12. Favourite Villain Song

Hellfire from The Hunchback of Notre Dame

13. Least Favourite Song

Love is an Open Door from Frozen, I want to rip my ears off, it physically makes me feel yuk.

14. Favourite Kiss

I think it has to be when Ariel comes strutting her stuff out of the Ocean with legs and she runs into Erics arms and they smooch. I LOVE IT!

15. The First Movie You Saw

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

16. Favourite Classic

The Aristocats

17. Song That Always Gets Stuck In Your Head

Try Everything - Zootopia

18. Favourite Pixar Movie

The Good Dinosaur

19. Least Favourite Pixar Movie

Up

20. Favourite Sequel

National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (I haven't seen any of the animated sequels)

21. Overrated Movie

Frozen

22. Underrated Movie

Oliver and Company

23. Movie That Makes You Laugh

Zootopia

24. Movie That Makes You Cry

The Good Dinosaur

25. The Saddest Scene From Your Favourite Movie

When Arlo in The Good Dinosaur, pushes Spot to the Cave family and Spot doesn't want to go, to be honest I'm a mess throughout this entire movie

26. Saddest Death

Coral from Finding Nemo

27. Favourite Quote

'A true hero is measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart' - Hercules

28. Favourite Theme Park

I haven't been. *sobs gently*

29. Favourite Theme Attraction

I haven't been *sobs harder*

30. Favourite Theme Park Show 

I haven't been *sobs uncontrollably into laptop*

*Although I remember when I was really little, I was taken to see Disney on Ice and I recall Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs on blades :D

I hope you enjoyed this tag and encourage all Disney fans to do this, if you haven't already.

Thank you Claire for tagging me.

PEACE AND LOVE. Zoe X

My Revenge Body - (a little weightloss journey post)

Now if anyone has seen Khloe Kardashians Revenge Body on E! you'll have seen people want revenge on their partners, their ex's, their mothers and fathers and even friends. I started this journey June 2016 and I had people like Khloe Kardashian to look to among others as inspiration, she was the bigger sister, she seemed to have settled with that fact until a major event happened and she wanted to make a great change for herself.

Now I don't care what your opinions are on the Kardashians but the only one I 'keep up on' is Khloe, I watch her workouts on Snapchat and she kills it every workout, she inspires people and she inspires me. Simple!

You see I was the bigger sister, if you want a mental picture of what me and my sister looks like just look at Kourtney and Khloe standing next to each other. I was always putting myself down because I wasn't like her, I hated that I couldn't wear the small, cute, petite clothes she could, I hated that at 14 I was wearing big mummy bras with a 3 inch straps and she was wearing little bras with a half a centimetre strap. I didn't hate her, I hated myself. I was big, I was fat and I wasn't going to be anything else, and it always bothered me. I don't think it was until I went to college that I started to accept that this was my body, it wasn't going to change so I had to accept it. I then got in my first relationship ever with Nick and I got myself happy (yayay) and I got 2 stone heavier, I didn't mind though because I was active enough that it wasn't a problem and I'm 5 8" so it was spread around evenly.

I got pregnant in 2013 and it was amazing, we couldn't wait to expand our family by one, but in 9 months my weight gained by 6 stone, although I was happy in my relationship, my home and where I was in my life, I wasn't happy with who I was and what I looked like but guess what I did, something I've been doing for years, I accepted that I was big, this was me now so what if I was miserable and depressed nothing was going to change. In Mia's first year I had naturally lost 2 stone in weight which I never took notice off because I was too busy being a mum. It was on Mia's 1st birthday that we announced we were pregnant again. Again we were overjoyed that our family was again expanding and Mia was going to have a little baby sister.

During that pregnancy I gained a stone and a half which never bothered me, was I still annoyed I was big? Yes. But there was nothing I could do, because I was big, this was who I was, I was constantly taunting myself, bullying myself just because I was big and I'd settled with that fact. But something happened about a month after Robyn was born. I snapped it was June 2016 and it was like that part in my head that was always saying,

"You're fat, you're always going to be fat, this is who you are,"

That part in my mind finally pushed it's last button and the accepting, timid, beaten and weak side of me flipped. I began telling myself, 

"I wasn't fat, far was something I had, I wasn't always going to be fat because I was going to eat healthier and workout regularly, and this wasn't who I was going to be."

That's when my weightloss journey began just to prove what I was telling myself, I had enough of being just big, I deserved to get my body to a point where I'm happy to accept it, not accepting it just because I'd never tried to change. I kept telling myself I couldn't, but I could and I can do anything I wanted, and that's what I'm doing, so you could say my revenge is on me, it's to that part of me that never let me be happy, my revenge will be on myself for letting myself believe I didn't deserve to be happy in my own skin.

I'm so close to my 4 stone weightloss mark and I'm feeling so strong, my muscle gain feels amazing and now I don't feel the remaining fat on my body that I know is there, all I feel it muscle and half the time they're sore. it's like that fat I have left really isn't a part of me anymore and it's fitting because the words me and fat are no longer associated with each other any more.

So I would like to list a few things that I have learned on this journey:

Be Patient

Now I'm writing this as the most impatient person ever, so a lot of will power and determination is thrown in there also. It doesn't get easier but you get stronger and the progress and the results you start to see make it all worth it.

Find People Who Have Been On The Same Journey

On Instagram there are hundreds, literally hundreds of people on there who started their journey just like I did and all they did was eat healthy and exercise, fill your brain with real success stories. Get your motivation from real people, not photoshopped celebs in magazines.

Ditch Celebrity Workout Plans

They are SHITE, they just want your money.

Learn To Love YouTube For It's Workouts

Who knew watching youtube could make me sweaty and out of breathe, YES. There are tonnes of workout videos on youtube you can follow in the comfort of your own home. I LOVE them, they are what I do, and I wouldn't want to do any other workouts.

Learn About Your Food

Seriously I can not stress this enough. don't take notice of newspapers when they tell you coconut oil can give you cancer when there is proven research that tells you it prevents it among other life threatening illnesses. Do your research people, learn about what foods are good and what they do for your body.

Believe In Yourself

Because anything is possible, 'possible' it self is in the word 'impossible' anyways, it's really a self contradicting word. but seriously if you believe you can do it and stick to an easy plan with realistic goals you can do it, why? I may hear you ask, well I'm doing it!

Peace and Love. X

It's 00:12am and this may be the hardest thing I'll ever write....

.........many of you know that I am on a weightloss journey, one I've been on now since June 2016, now I've wrote about my progress which is never ending and I've wrote about how physically trying this journey has been but I've not yet wrote about how mentally trying this journey is and I wasn't planning to, but I feel like I need to, I feel like I need to be honest and open up a little and I'll get to why but first I need you all to understand that when it comes to my mental health, I keep that very much to myself and a select few of my nearest and dearest, literally it's in a tight bubble that has been welded shut for a long time, but now I feel like I can bust open that bubble and let the world in a little bit.

Have you ever heard the saying 'exercise is a anti-depressant' well guess what, it's true, I work-out 5-6 days of the week, leaving me with 1-2 days rest days. On the days I work-out I feel fantastic, I feel strong, like my body can do anything I put it through, I feel good and that for me is major, physically and mentally I am at my peak after I've worked out. Now on my rest days I should just rest, right? I should feel good, right? because I'm letting my body recover from all the amazing work I've been doing in the week, but no. I seem to fall in darkness and self-loathing, you see I'm not upset with anyone but me, I wish on those days two things, one - I was someone else and two - that I could work-out because it makes me feel good, but I can't work-out every day of the week, and my downfall always happens at night once the girls are asleep and Nick and I are chilling doing our own thing and I am there left to my own brain, to my own thoughts and that becomes nasty and dangerous. Today was a rest day and as usual I was left in a bad place, thankfully I have Nick, who actually was the one that suggested I write this.

I've always struggled with my appearance and todays blog post will explain that more, I feel like the two posts will coincide with each other so I feel like this post needs to be written now. Don't get me wrong I love every thing about my life, the people in it, where I am, everything, I just haven't yet found that love for myself and some days I just don't feel like I deserve it, and instead of telling myself to shut the hell up, I let that take over until I'm mentally tired and worn down by my own negativity.

I don't know if this post will make sense to anyone but I felt like it was something I needed to write, at the beginning I did say I was going to tell you why, so bare with me this is harder to put in words than I imagined. On Instagram I track my weightloss journey with everything, the food I eat, the walks I go on, the sweaty post work-out selfies and I get overwhelmed with the amount of positive feedback I've received, amazing women telling me I'm their inspiration, and people who are on the same journey as I'm on telling me I'm the reason they decided to work-out today. Now I am absolutely uncontrollably, 110% grateful for everyone who writes me things like that but I feel like sometimes, I'm letting them down by not sharing what's really going on. I don't want to mislead people into thinking I've got my shizz together every day, because the sad truth is I haven't. I felt like I was lying to everyone and in that I was disappointing every single one of them and that just added onto the self-loathing, until now, having written this I hope those rest days I'm hating on myself will cease to exist because I have written this and opened up a little bit. I hope with this written I can keep on inspiring people, because the idea of me misleading anyone hurts me so much that the thought of it alone brings tears to my eyes.

This wasn't easy to write but I feel like because there is so much of me now online, including my post work-out sweat filled selfies (cringe) I needed to add this, but before I finish I want to say one more thing, those people that tell me I inspire them, thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I feel like we are playing a giant game of ping pong and that little ball is inspiration going back and forth, because without you inspiring me, I wouldn't be able to do what I do, well I might be but I wouldn't be doing the best I can be without every one. I would like to think in this world that's filled with so much negativity that we are all standing together as one, as each others cheerleaders, as each others support pillars. This is who we are and we go along together picking each other up, pushing each other forward, never backing down.

I am so thankfully and grateful that I have found a community online that I am accepted in but I wouldn't have got this far without the support and encouragement from YOU!

PEACE & LOVE. ZOE X

The Strong Female Characters We All Need To Play Sometimes In Real Life.

I've been really inspired lately by a whole bunch of women, both in my personal life and the life I have in front of the TV at night watching awesome movies, or sitting in the corner reading a great book, and those women are who I want to talk about right now, the women both fictional or real, the women who basically kick-ass. So get comfy for a list of strong-inspiring female characters in books & film that we should all try to channel at some point in our lives.

Elle Woods

Now for me Elle Woods reigns above anyone else. She goes and gets dumped by a total douche (excuse my french) because she is not serious enough, because she is not smart enough. How dare he? Anyways after seeing her ex's brother in the newspaper announcing his engagement to a some plank of wood she decides that the best way to win him back would be to get into Harvard and prove she is more than just her favourite pair of Jimmy Choos, and she gets in......woohoo! Go Elle! What I loved about this character in an environment where everyone is practically judging her, she is still herself, she never questions herself whilst she stands in a pool of different people. she struggles at first but then strives and even after seeing her ex douches new fiance she still doesn't back down, she keeps going, thriving when anyone else would expect her to waver and give up. SHE DOESN'T. She lands the internship gig and ends up replacing the lawyer who hired her, another douche by the way.

Elle Woods is one of those characters who sure could go about the rest of her life depending on her looks and wit but she chose to become more because she was more than all the material things, all she needed was that little push.

Katniss Everdeen

I'll agree with anyone who has only seen the movies, Katniss is a little annoying, seems a bit up her own butt, but then I read the books and you start to understand the Katniss on the big screen. We learn more about her in the books and that honestly is the only reason she has made the list. Let's start first of all she is supporting her sister and mother in a District where it's become common for people to just drop dead from starvation. She then volunteers to die to save her sister, she defies the Capitol and the President because she fell in love knowing that the repercussions would be deadly. She then stands up against the Capitol and becomes the face of a revolution to overturn the Capitol and to end The Hunger Games and she isn't even 18 yet. For a young women in that time and place she has a lot on her plate but she keeps doing the right thing, and by right thing I mean she doesn't let anyone tell her what to do, it's her way or no way. That's what I love about Katniss, yes she was young and that could have easily been used to control her but she knew who she was and she knew how to use her power as the Mockingjay and get what she wanted in the end.

Hermione Granger

So can we all just raise our arms and bow down to the queen that is Miss Granger. Without her Harry would be sod all, literally and I will prove it. With out Hermione they wouldn't have known how to have escaped the Devil's Snare to reach the Philosophers Stone, if Hermione wasn't petrified but killed by the Basilisk they wouldn't have known what was petrifying the students, without Hermione and her Time-Turner they wouldn't have been able to go back and save Sirius Black from the dementors, without Hermione Harry wouldn't have known the summoning charm, that helps him escape the cemetery, without Hermione Harry wouldn't have convinced Harry to check on Sirius who wasn't home but because of that Snape was able to warn the Order to help them at the Ministry, without Hermione Harry and Ron would not have been able to escape the Death Eaters that crashed Bill and Fleurs wedding, and finally without Hermione Harry would have been killed by Nagini that night in Godrics Hollow. SO YOU ARE WELCOME HARRY! 

Leigh Ann Tuohy

I fell in love with The Blind Side the moment I started watching it and what made it even better was that at the end you saw the real people the film was portraying because it was a true story and it made the watching experience 10 times better, but one character that really stood out to me and made me feel strong as a women and a mother was Leigh Ann. From your initial look yes she comes across as a small petite southern housewife, but under that is an incredibly strong women you don't want to mess with, we see Leigh Ann take in a boy who she doesn't know, someone who she knew would cause her friends to maybe question her. A mothers heart is truly a great and giant thing and what she did for him was incredible. We see her face danger by supporting him and standing by him when everyone told her she was being foolish, she took him in, gave him a home, helped him get an education which then resulted in an amazing future, one he wouldn't have had if she never stopped that car.

M'Lynn and Shelby Eatenton

I'm going to start this by saying if you haven't seen Steel Magnolias you NEED to go watch it now. The final female on my list is a mother, daughter pair. Now M'Lynn is mother to Shelby who is Type 1 Diabetic. Before her wedding we see Shelby fall into a hypoglycemic shook and with M'Lynn there she was able to recover quickly. A little while later Shelby announces that she is pregnant, M'Lynn isn't so overjoyed as it was believed Shelby couldn't have children but then it's revealed she shouldn't have children because of her diabetes and the fact that she could die in child birth because of it. Shelby has a healthy baby boy but after a year her kidney starts to fail and she starts dialysis, M'Lynn goes above and beyond by donating Shelby one of her kidneys and Shelby continues with life believing it was a success. Yet it wasn't Shelbys husband comes home to find her passed out and when they get to the hospital they learn her body is rejecting the kidney and she has fallen into a coma. Now as I write this my emotion is high because this film is truly heart wrenching but I want you to find out for yourself so I'll finished here and you can see why these to women belong on this list. 

Now all these women have been through trying times, have had to make hard sacrifices and gone through heartbreak but with everything they've been through they've come out strong, they went through with grace and dignity and most importantly throughout it all they never lost who they were, they all remained true to themselves.

Are there any strong female characters you love? Comment down below. X