How Do I Stay Motivated

Syke! I am sorry if you came here expecting a list of things that I do to stay motivated, and to be honest I had a list, a long one. I can tell you go for walks, listen to music, read a book and take a long soak in some bubbles in the tub. But I'm not going to because for me ways to stay motivated are just ways to distract myself that I still feel like shit and I'm going to do something else to cover up what I really should be doing. That's me, my belief. I still scroll through Pinterest for hours looking for that perfect motivation quote and I will read other peoples story and yes that makes me feel like I can carry on, but some day and only some days after I've done all that, I still feel like a pile of turd just a bit bigger. JUST BEING HONEST!

Motivation is one of those things that are great at the beginning of what ever you starting, whether it be losing weight/getting fit or quiting smoking (I've done both) but the truth is motivation doesn't last, it starts to come and go and that's when discipline comes into it, but we still need that motivation, and that's when we start to look in other places other than ourselves for it. Some days I really have zero and sometimes minus that. Some days I feel like staying in bed pulling the covers over my head and forgetting I'm there for the day, week, month, those days happen. They happen a lot to me but there are also ways to get me out of my phunk.

For me I'm standing in a boxing ring with two corners filled fighting each other with me in the middle, in the red corner I have motivation, determination and self-confidence and in the blue corner I have, self-doubt, depression and zero confidence. Some days they are sitting nicely in their corners quiet but then some days they are at full battle, arms throwing blows that get caught by me. It's a battle between good and evil and whenever it happens there is no telling who will come out of it notorious.

Sure you're most probably thinking, well you have a choice to get up and workout or to just get up in general but unless you have suffered/suffering with depression and have mental health problems then leave now, you will never understand this.

I can wake up and want to work out so bad that I make myself feel so sick because I'm putting myself down before I've even started, I'm telling myself yeah go ahead workout, you're still going to be fat and feel like crap. THAT HAPPENS, IT'S REAL! And when you're in that battle you don't look back at when you started and you don't see the changes that have already happened. All you see is yourself and how you are now and seeing how you're not where you want to be.

I have many mornings began a workout that my body has arrived to but my mind is saying 'fuck no'. I have completed workouts that I haven't been 100% there for, it happens and it's a strange feeling because you're there forcing yourself to sweat, feel a burn but you're completely detached from everything you're actually doing.

So I'll tell you honestly what my motivation is. I know what I want, and I know I need to work to get what I want, if I want to lose weight I need to workout hard and push myself everyday, change my eating habits and portion control. Change my lifestyle to a healthier one. That's what I do. This is also something else I do.

I SWEAT

Yes I sweat, I workout hard to lose the unwanted weight I have. I sweat so much that it will be felt dripping down me, when I'm doing planks, the sweat is hitting my exercise mat everyone would think it's raining. I sweat so that I can write little motivational things in the stuff. (I know it's gross but hey ho) I sweated so much once that when I sent a picture of my drenched top to my mum, she thought I had tie-dyed my top.

I work hard so I can have the body I want.

Those days I have that are filled with zero motivation are very few and far between, but they happen and they suck. I hate them and I wish they didn't happen but they do. It's hard and I manage somehow to push through it but some days I can't and I just want to say that it's ok. Your motivation will disappear every now and then, no-one can be focused and fixed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. Congratulations if you are, drop a comment on how that would be much appreciated.

This post went hay-wire rather quickly and I apologise if it makes no sense. I have no real solution to how to get your motivational juices flowing other than to just keep pushing through it. Push through the bad thoughts, the self-doubt, the days where you are feeling lost and not sure whether you can carry on anymore. Just stop, take a step back and think about how far you've come, look around and see other people on the same journey as you. See what they have done and how they've accomplished their goals, see what they have done, see that it is possible.

X

My Passions - My Words, My Stories, My Writing.

"Fiction is the truth inside the lie," - Stephen King

If I think about what I would be doing if I didn't write I truly believe it would be drugs, or I'd be a serial killer. I'll be completely honest now and admit some of my first stories ever written was ones of horror, crime and just general disaster. As I was growing up I had thoughts, thoughts that I put into words, I gave those thoughts to characters because they scared me, I didn't like them and I didn't know how to deal with them other than put them into a world I had control over. Thankfully I have grown out of those thoughts.

Now when I write, I write fiction but I put in real feelings, real emotions, although it's completely made up I want to provoke real emotion when people read it, that's why I love this Stephen King quote that starts this post. I don't know but I feel that you can write freely and honestly so much more if you're writing fiction, and because it is fiction you can get away with so much more. A lot of the time what my characters are feeling, are feelings I've felt sometime in my life but I've never been able to speak freely out loud about them so it's easier to give them emotions to fictional characters, and I'm ok with that because my stories are filled with all kinds of emotion no-one could tell between the real or the fake.

With my writing I want to get under the skin of my readers, I either want you to say 'that's not right, can't believe she wrote that' or say 'damn I needed to read those words,' I want to write that because that is what I look for in the books I read, I want to pull in the reader, make them think, make them feel, to me those are the elements of a great book.

When I was younger I wrote to escape life, now I write to create life, I want to create a world with great characters that will inspire, that will provoke, that's what I am always aiming for in my writing and the story I'm currently writing, I feel should do those things or at least I hope it will.

I don't really know how other writers write, I haven't looked in their process but mine is pretty simple, as I write I am playing it out in my mind like a movie, if something doesn't go well in my head then it doesn't get written down, trust me I'm not crazy. It's the only way I know how to write. Writing has been something that has grown along side of me from a young age and I don't necessarily know why or when I started writing but I just remember how much I loved creating worlds on paper, putting together conversation, imagining life and transferring them to pen on paper. Writing became something I felt I was meant to do. I'm not saying I'm great I'm just saying it's something I love and I'll work on it until maybe one day when I'll be great.

'Write the story you want to read, write what scares you, write what you don't know. Push yourself creatively to pull on the boundaries of your imagination, to write the most truthfully honest, fear filled, greatest story you'll ever write.' - Myself

As much as I can some nights write till my hand cramps, I can also spend all the time I'll spend on writing on Pinterest reading inspiration writing quotes and posts that guarantee they'll help me become a better writer.. That is procrastinating and it stops me from doing what I really should be doing. especially if I have one really good evening of writing then the next night it's as if I've forgotten how to hold a pen. 

'But I think talent as a writer is hard-wired in, it's all there, at least the basic elements of it. You can't change it any more than you can choose whether to be right handed or left handed. - Stephen King

My Passions - Throw me a Graphite Pencil and I'll Draw you a Pretty Picture

Passion   /noun

1. Strong and barely controllable emotion.
2. An intense desire or enthusiasm for something.

Now a lot of people may have thought the first of my passions would be writing but not really, not this time round anyway. I have been drawing since before I could write, it was something that seemed to come natural to me when ever I put a pencil in my hand, and from that moment I didn't stop I drew all the time and really I haven't stopped. My drawings have changed over time, the quality my technique but something has always stayed the same, my love to draw remains and I love it even more when someone wants to me to draw for them.

I could start a drawing at ten o'clock at night and sometimes not stop until it's complete around 5 in the morning, then it'll be time to get up for college so I would be walking round college like a zombie for the entire day, but I'd have a drawing done by total zoning out. That's what I've always been able to do when it's come to drawing, I would completely go into my own world and I would be in a room full of people and I as I drew it would become only me, that's what I loved about drawing. It was something I could do and be completely free from everything, just me, the paper and my favourite pencils.

When I go through my old drawings I would feel a little sick because I see just how bad it was, but it was all a learning curve for me, for me to figure out my drawing style and discovering how I best work. Here are some of my better early work.

Drawing was always something I loved doing for myself or for others on my own decision, but I got to a point once when I was drawing for others, commission pieces that were too much, not the actual drawings but the amount and sometimes the buyers, and I got to the point where I actually said I don't want to draw anymore, it wasn't fun anymore for me, I'd actually began to hate it. The one thing I enjoyed most in my life the one things I'd always thought was the only thing I was good at was affecting me in a way I didn't believe it ever would. So I stopped, I put my pencils away and I packed up my paper pads, I was done.

I don't particularly know what happened but one day I picked up my pencils and dusted off my papers and started drawing again but this time I toke it back to how I used to draw, I forgot about what others would think, I stopped thinking about what others would like, I began to draw again for me. I don't do it as much as I would like but I do little bits here and there and I enjoy it more now than I think I've ever done.

Here are a few of the pieces I did after that period of stopping.

Now if you've had something in your life you have been doing for so long and you had got to a point where you hated it and didn't want to do it anymore, it hurts. Drawing was and always has been a part of me, not just something I did, it was more than that, it was who I was and suddenly it wasn't but I'm glad it happened because now with two children and many other things on my plate when I do find the time to draw, I treasure those couple of hours and I put all of myself into that drawing.

Here is a portrait I drew of my daughter Mia, who I always said I'd never draw but I did and was pleased with the outcome, especially after having a break from drawing.

I will surely be adding Robyns portrait next to this one of Mia soon, when she sits still enough to get a clear photo.

Would a personalised portrait be a good idea for a GIVEAWAY once I've hit so many followers?

My Weight-loss Journey! Part Two

If someone told me 5 months ago that I would be 3 stone and 8 pounds lighter now I would honestly laugh in their face and tell them to do something very rude to them self. 5 months ago I was in a bad place and I'll admit that I pop in that place every now and then but I march right back out when I realise what I've accomplished already.

5 months later and 3 stone, 8 pounds lighter, I wouldn't of believed I've done it as well. I've come a long way, myself 5 months ago and myself now are the same person but now they have many differences.

I had so many worries and I stressed when starting this journey that I'd have to eat rabbit food to lose the weight but it wasn't like that at all, thanks to Pinterest I found so many healthy meal recipes, that are literally so good you forget they're healthy.  They're too good to not be bad. There were some recipes I'd found we didn't like but I've got at least a handful of recipes that we have again and again because they are delicious. Just take a look at some of the things we've been eating.

I've never been full of confidence and even at my lightest I had issues with my look/body image, but now I feel my confidence growing. I'm actually able to take selfies and progress pictures now which I wouldn't of been able to do 5 months ago when I would shy away from the camera and hid behind someone. 

This journey I'm on I've realised that in the last couple of weeks I'm not on it by myself. I'm not on this journey alone, I'm doing it with all the people I love, I have the support of my man, Nick who I'm contiguously forgetting is by my side on this journey. It's hard to remember you're not alone especially if you haven't lost any weight one week or you've binged on crap for a couple of days, I get down and I feel more alone than ever but I have to keep telling myself I'm not by myself and I have an amazing support system around me.

So far I have lost 3 stone 8 pounds and I am still 4 stone from my goal. It's going to take time and it's going to be really hard, I will sweat, I will cry, I will ache from exercise I'll think is designed to just hurt me but I will do this because not only do I believe in myself, when I have those days I feel like Jabba the Hutt, I have people around me that believe in me. I am not alone, I'm not on this by myself. 

I have the support, encouragement and love along with my own motivation to do this, that is all I need to know I can do this.

Here is my first weight-loss journey post check it out here. I will be writing another update in December, it will be Christmas themed and hopefully I'll stay on track and won't be filled with Mince Pies.

X

My Weight-loss Journey! Part Two

If someone told me 5 months ago that I would be 3 stone and 8 pounds lighter now I would honestly laugh in their face and tell them to do something very rude to them self. 5 months ago I was in a bad place and I'll admit that I pop in that place every now and then but I march right back out when I realise what I've accomplished already.

5 months later and 3 stone, 8 pounds lighter, I wouldn't of believed I've done it as well. I've come a long way, myself 5 months ago and myself now are the same person but now they have many differences.

I had so many worries and I stressed when starting this journey that I'd have to eat rabbit food to lose the weight but it wasn't like that at all, thanks to Pinterest I found so many healthy meal recipes, that are literally so good you forget they're healthy.  They're too good to not be bad. There were some recipes I'd found we didn't like but I've got at least a handful of recipes that we have again and again because they are delicious. Just take a look at some of the things we've been eating.

I've never been full of confidence and even at my lightest I had issues with my look/body image, but now I feel my confidence growing. I'm actually able to take selfies and progress pictures now which I wouldn't of been able to do 5 months ago when I would shy away from the camera and hid behind someone. 

This journey I'm on I've realised that in the last couple of weeks I'm not on it by myself. I'm not on this journey alone, I'm doing it with all the people I love, I have the support of my man, Nick who I'm contiguously forgetting is by my side on this journey. It's hard to remember you're not alone especially if you haven't lost any weight one week or you've binged on crap for a couple of days, I get down and I feel more alone than ever but I have to keep telling myself I'm not by myself and I have an amazing support system around me.

So far I have lost 3 stone 8 pounds and I am still 4 stone from my goal. It's going to take time and it's going to be really hard, I will sweat, I will cry, I will ache from exercise I'll think is designed to just hurt me but I will do this because not only do I believe in myself, when I have those days I feel like Jabba the Hutt, I have people around me that believe in me. I am not alone, I'm not on this by myself. 

I have the support, encouragement and love along with my own motivation to do this, that is all I need to know I can do this.

Here is my first weight-loss journey post check it out here. I will be writing another update in December, it will be Christmas themed and hopefully I'll stay on track and won't be filled with Mince Pies.

X

My Weight-loss Journey!

Around 5 weeks after the birth of Robyn I decided I needed to take back my life, not let it be controlled by junk food and all over negativity about my self confident so Nick and I scrapped all junk/processed food from the cupboards and fridge freezer to start a fresh. I started to plan our meals for the week ahead so we knew what we'd have to buy when we went shopping that also allowed us to only buy what we needed.

Our shopping basket now always looks something like this, so many healthy choices, everything we needed.

We have been doing this now for roughly 8/9 weeks eating this way, cooking fresh homemade yummy healthy meals that all aid in weight loss and along with workouts and walking long distances it has helps, since the birth of Robyn I have lost 3 stone and 2 pounds. But it has not been pretty. The sweat the actual tears yes sometimes you have to push and push until you can't go any further and you do that because you know that weight will not shift itself.

              








I have had set backs and injuries and even had a week where I've gained instead of lost but I haven't given up and that's the most important thing ever for me not to give up. Not to quit when in the big picture I have come so far and already lost more weight that I'd thought I would. When I started I didn't imagine I would be this far so at this point giving up in not even an option.

I never want to be at that place again where I was always miserable and depressed, where I was actually telling people and myself that I hated myself and I hated my body, I never want my daughter to see me like that ever. I want to be a positive role model for our girls who will look up to me one day and I want them to see a strong confident woman they're proud to call their mother.

'I can I will I must'

I am still quite far away from my goal weight but it's there I see it on this journey I am on, it's there so I know I can do it. I am not short on inspiration and motivation so I believe I can do this for me and my family. For my future self to be happier and healthier.

What major changes did you make if you are on a similar journey?

    

Places That Inspire Me Where I Live

Living in Cornwall had been a dream of mine since I was 15 and I arrived for the first time on the Great Western Railway train, I knew Cornwall would be my home one day and that one day happened 3 years ago and I haven't looked back.

Best decision ever made.

Being an artist and aspiring writer I knew I had my pick of places that were not short of inspiration, my first year here I volunteered at an art gallery in Penzance which inspired me to start writing again and gave my writing a twisted edge thanks to the exhibition that was being shown at that time.

There are so many beaches and coastal paths that are so idyllic that you feel like you're walking through a scene of a movie or best selling novel. There was for me so much I was able to draw inspiration from and I do have a few favourites.

Levant

I walk down here a lot mainly because it's 5 minutes from my flat. From spring when it's clear this is my favourite spot to watch the sunset, they're never disappointing. I only take my phone down with me so I when I get ideas or I have something I want to write I use the voice recorder on my phone. Oh the looks I've had from people.

Marazion

I walk from Penzance to Marazion a lot it's a beautiful coastal walk along the waterfront, even with the beach packed you can definitely zone out and just look towards the Mount and your mind is at a place which is the perfect breeding ground for ideas to be created. For me anyway.

Pendeen Lighthouse

When you actually pass the lighthouse there are such beautiful cliffs you walk along and looking down into the ocean is so peaceful, I love looking into the sea I draw some much from it. I believe I should have been a mermaid or at least a shark. The coast around where I'm blessed enough to wake up next to is extremely beautiful everywhere I go it inspires me.

I wonder what places where you live gives you inspiration?

Guess Who's Back? Back Again. Shady's Back. NOPE it's just Zoe!

Wow, my last blog post was the 13th August 2015 and since then a whole lot has happened

In order:

1.  I got pregnant and had another baby.
2.  I got engaged.

There's been other events but those two maybe the most important and relevant ones to mention. So yes Nick and I found out in the September that I was pregnant for the second time and we were extremely happy and excited we had been hoping to get pregnant around that time to have another bubba, so it wasn't an unexpected surprise but a very welcomed one.

Mia who will be 2 in 15 days is happy to be big sister not at first as we had many tantrums and one incident that saw my phone screen smashed against the kitchen floor. Now she loves her and funnily enough I think she's forgiving me for bringing home 'another one'. Nick has come away from this unscathed he can do no wrong in her eyes the little daddy's girl.

I gave birth to Robyn Rose Long in the 7th of May 2016. My waters broke on the Friday morning after convincing myself to final just sit down and watch Gnome and Juliet. (long story) Robyn arrived 7 minutes past 12 Saturday lunchtime. Labour was shit. That's all I have to say about that but it is all worth it when a little human you have made with the person you love is placed upon you and all that pain disappears, well only because you have become numb and have lost feeling in both butt cheeks.

It has been a year exactly since I lasted posted and I've been telling myself to get back on the blog wagon for months, I never gave myself time to write but now I'm in a better place personally and I have realised I can do everything during the day if I wanted to so that's what I'm doing. As there is 24 hours in a day so there's really no excuses for me now.

So yes I have got a lot more on my plate then before but I've got a pretty good routine now so I will definitely be more regular on here because it really did help last time.

X

Guess Who's Back? Back Again. Shady's Back. NOPE it's just Zoe!

Wow, my last blog post was the 13th August 2015 and since then a whole lot has happened

In order:

1.  I got pregnant and had another baby.
2.  I got engaged.

There's been other events but those two maybe the most important and relevant ones to mention. So yes Nick and I found out in the September that I was pregnant for the second time and we were extremely happy and excited we had been hoping to get pregnant around that time to have another bubba, so it wasn't an unexpected surprise but a very welcomed one.

Mia who will be 2 in 15 days is happy to be big sister not at first as we had many tantrums and one incident that saw my phone screen smashed against the kitchen floor. Now she loves her and funnily enough I think she's forgiving me for bringing home 'another one'. Nick has come away from this unscathed he can do no wrong in her eyes the little daddy's girl.

I gave birth to Robyn Rose Long in the 7th of May 2016. My waters broke on the Friday morning after convincing myself to final just sit down and watch Gnome and Juliet. (long story) Robyn arrived 7 minutes past 12 Saturday lunchtime. Labour was shit. That's all I have to say about that but it is all worth it when a little human you have made with the person you love is placed upon you and all that pain disappears, well only because you have become numb and have lost feeling in both butt cheeks.

It has been a year exactly since I lasted posted and I've been telling myself to get back on the blog wagon for months, I never gave myself time to write but now I'm in a better place personally and I have realised I can do everything during the day if I wanted to so that's what I'm doing. As there is 24 hours in a day so there's really no excuses for me now.

So yes I have got a lot more on my plate then before but I've got a pretty good routine now so I will definitely be more regular on here because it really did help last time.

X