Finishing My Book.

Writing those last words felt like a world I'd created was being ripped from me, characters I had grown to know more than anyone were to never have a page for them again, my heart had been broken. Writing, I felt was always in me to do and every thing I wrote was connected to me, a part of me even in fiction was in between the line. As I wrote those last words I remembered those few months of writers block that prevented my pen to bleed on to the lined paper, I remembered those late night writing sessions till two in the morning, my eyes falling to a close but resisting sleep as I knew if I didn't get this written down I would lose it forever. Writing this book with full intention of it being my first to publish was a different writing experience to anything else, I was writing for myself but other people, I was writing for you not just for me. These characters I pulled along and gave problems, heart break and life to was now being set in stone for everyone else to see.

For a little bit of humour I wrote the words 'The End' and when my first intention was to giggle at it, a black cloud rolled over a moment I was to celebrate but I didn't, I couldn't, I just kept seeing 'End' and it was suddenly a moment filled with sadness because it was over, those lives were over and won't come to life next until someone reads their story, my story. It was a profound feeling, one I can't really explain but I felt an emptiness in my chest, I had nothing else to write for these characters, I had done everything I could possibly do for them and now it's over.

When I started this I thought about the end but not really, I didn't anticipate the emotions I will feel, I never dreamed that I would, I had grown attached without really realising it, I'd become a part of this story without knowing it, I had just wrote my first story and every minute, hour, piece of scrap paper used in the process felt insignificant all of a sudden. A part of me was done, completed, ready for the world to see and that thought scared me the most.

My words, my story, the characters I created were ready to be viewed, judged and maybe loved by others, that's a thought provoking issue that scares me because it's me, everything I put in this story is a part of me and having it ready for others to see makes it hard and that paper shredder starts to look like your saviour in times of doubt and darkness.

So yes, if you haven't guessed I wrote a book, haha. My first book with full intention of publishing. I thought the first phase of this process was scary but this second phase I'm about to embark on is more terrifying, but I can do this, four words I tell myself everyday.

Is there a journey any of you guys have embarked on that has come to an end, or will be soon? If so, how are you coping? Comment below. X