Sunday, 12 March 2017

Being Happy.

When I type 'Happy' into google the first thing I see is the definition which is 'The Feeling of pleasure or contentment' Now when I think about my life I check things off, In my relationship do I get the feeling of pleasure and contentment - YES and then some. Do I have the feeling of pleasure and contentment in my home life and as a mother. YES. Am I happy in myself, do I feel content with myself. NO. That last answer in my opinion needs to change, that's clear because I'm tired, I am god damn tired of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted and unhappy, I am tired of working out to punish my body for getting big when really I should be celebrating the fact my body can workout and my body is changing. It's easy when it's written like this, so why isn't it easy like a flick of a switch in ones mind to be happy with oneself. 

Now if I break it down, I like my eyes, my lips I've thought were always a little small but in portion to my face and don't get me started on my nose, the honk I inherited from my mother and so did my brothers, my sister was the lucky one, so I'm ok with certain features of my face but why in my mind have I always told myself I'm the ugly one, the ugly sister, the face only a mother could love? Why? It's frustrating because some days like today I feel good about my appearance but I can't tell you what tomorrow will be like. 

I love taking care of my face, I'm in love with face masks especially ones that work, I love putting on a little make-up (mascara and eyeliner) I love keeping my face and body fresh and clean but on bad days when I'm down and I'm hating myself for looking how I look, I forget about myself, I neglect myself so bad to the point where sometimes I can pull my hair tie from my hand and it would stand for a little while. That's me on really really bad days that turn into falling into a spiral of self hate that lasts a week, but that's what I want to stop. Because I know this is my only body, it's the only one I'm going to get and I've already said I like certain things, so why can't I keep that positivity and contentment, why can't I make it last and radiate it to other aspects of myself?

I've set myself a challenge, a Happiness challenge if you will. Where everyday even If I feel like falling into that dark abyss I will practice being happy with myself, even if I have to force myself in front of a mirror and say things that will embarrass the hell out of me. I will do it because I'm raising two beautiful baby girls, who will look up to me as they grow and I want them to see a mother who is happy with herself and confident in her own skin. So yea that's what's happening right now and to think I thought about all this whilst watching Grease last night and remembering a summer a long time ago where I ruined my mums VHS tape by watching it over and over, singing and dancing and just not caring. 

I am still dieting, I am still working out and staying active, I'm still trying to get to my goal weight, I'm still writing and I'm drawing again now. I don't just want to do one thing and leave out all the things I used to do that made me feel good about myself, so I will be doing it all, after all I am a women, the master of multitasking. The maker of her own happiness.



  1. Zoe you are gorgeous. I know hearing it from others won't make much difference but you are stunning, and you deserve to be happy. I could relate to this post so much (almost cried but didn't so there's a win!) and I just wanted to let you know that I'm always going to be in your corner as your cheerleader, telling you just how brilliant you are. You're right, you have two beautiful girls. But they get their looks from their mum. You. So remember that next time you see them and think how beautiful they are. Love you lots 💖

  2. Tell yourself you are beautiful everyday because you are! I need to start spending more time picking out the positives instead of the negatives, if not for me but as you say for my little girl who will one day look up to me

    Tasha x

  3. You are such an amazing human being Zoe, beautiful both inside and out. I know that when it comes to changing how you feel about yourself it comes from within, sure comments etc... are nice to Recieve but you have to work on it yourself. I do hope that you can get to that place and see what we all see, just how amazing you are 💖💖

    Jordanne ||

  4. I know it can sometimes be hard but you are beautiful just the way you are! You are a unique person and thats what makes you great!
    Take care!!:)
    xoxo Annaleid